Just For Fun

[Dr. Pepper]

PammyDQ, I think it's that our war stories here are the worst things we've seen or heard of over decades of work and ignore the 99.99% of techs, students and their work that are accurate, professional and conscientious. We do do spectacular jobs. The bad ones just stick out more. Do your job right a million times and no one notices. Make one mistake and the lab sucks.

I think a sloppy tech is a sloppy tech wherever they work. You can kill a patient with a bad CBC, glucose, missed pathogen, etc. And while you don't need your techs to be paralyzed with dread and cross themselves whenever they sit at a BB bench, I welcome caution and a healthy respect for our immune systems in my staff. I tell new hires to relax, pay attention to detail, and follow procedure, and all should go well.

[L106]

Well said, Dr. Pepper...... very true!

[L106]

I sometimes wonder if my staff ever hear me laughing out loud at these! My favorite is still the admitting diagnosis of "unscented testicles"

Congratulations, toddlr....You just gave me my biggest laugh of the day! (Much funnier than the diagnosis I saw a few years ago, "ball bladder disease.")

[Eoin]

Have seen clinical notes of "Filthy Babe" on a request. On checking paediatrician's notes we found that it really said "Fitting Babe".

Maybe the nurse thought we might come up and wash it? Jack of all trades our lab.

Cheers

Eoin

[John C. Staley]

We had a new tech working in chemistry. They reported out a value of 42 for Potassium, not 4.2 but 42. When they first saw the result they checked their QC. It was fine, they then repeated the test and duplicated the result as required by the procedure manual. It never occurred to them that a grey top tube containing Sodium Fluoride and Potassium Oxalate should not be used for this testing. After re-educating this tech I had a long chat with the Chemistry Professor at the local Clinical Laboratory Sciences program. First he was mortified and second, he promised to drill the need to recognize impossible results.

[jcdayaz]

We had a new tech working in chemistry. They reported out a value of 42 for Potassium, not 4.2 but 42. When they first saw the result they checked their QC. It was fine, they then repeated the test and duplicated the result as required by the procedure manual. It never occurred to them that a grey top tube containing Sodium Fluoride and Potassium Oxalate should not be used for this testing. After re-educating this tech I had a long chat with the Chemistry Professor at the local Clinical Laboratory Sciences program. First he was mortified and second, he promised to drill the need to recognize impossible results.

Gosh, I wonder what the cardiac status would be of a patient with a 42 potassium!!:cries: How scary some of the things we encounter are...

[Vic]

Positive antibody screen called to nursing staff....nurse replies..."Thats ok, she's on antibiotics"

Drawing a patients blood while the nurse is explaining to her that the Rhogam injection is going to "change your blood type so that it is compatible with the baby".

Diagnosis...Bee Sting....complete vaginal workup performed...

Nurse stands at the specimen drop off counter, rocking a CBC back and forth while stating "I hope this isn't clotted, she is a very hard stick". I go over to check it out, when I rock the tube, the blood does not move at ALL! Completely clotted. Wonder what he was looking for?

[jcdayaz]

Diagnosis...Bee Sting....complete vaginal workup performed...

Hmmm...I wonder where that Bee stung her!;) And how it got there!!!:D:D

[Mary**]

:bonk:We called a nurse to tell him that the EDTA tube was clotted and he replied " it can't be, I fished out all the clots"!!

[Vic]

Of course, I always love the "You had to go to school to do this?" comment from nursing.:mad:

Although I wonder.......I once had a tech call me at home to ask if they could use a hemolyzed specimen to do a type and screen. I told him what procedure to read and went back to sleep.

Hot dog from the lunch room: $1.00

Sterile urine cup with saline and falsely completed order form: $3.00

Look on the face of the new male co-worker that thinks he has to set up a tissue culture (and use the grinder): Priceless!!!

Edited August 20, 2010 by Vic
had to add it..

[jcdayaz]

:bonk:We called a nurse to tell him that the EDTA tube was clotted and he replied " it can't be, I fished out all the clots"!!

Unfortunately, not an infrequent occurance!!!! Some think they can "fish out" the clots from a specimen and still get accurate results!!!

[Virginia]

Favorite diagnosis: Cabbage

[jcdayaz]

Favorite diagnosis: Cabbage

LOVE THIS ONE!!!!! We not infrequently refer to the surgery as a CABG(pronounced as cabbage) X a number(however many vessels are being bypassed) but to see it on an official medical record would be priceless!!!!

We get some crazy admitting diagnosis where I work now also. How about--"Fell down". Gee, that's real specific! I have been told, although I have not confirmed, that the admitting staff have to list whatever the patient tells them when they are being admitted. I can not even imagine the things they hear! Although, I do wish at least some of them knew how to spell!!!!

[mjshepherd]

Some of the best ones I've heard;

Nurse: Um...I have and order for pre-albumin from the doctor, how do I draw that when I am not givining my patient albumin?

I actually had to place the nurse on hold I was laughing so hard.

Patient: Is it okay if there's spit in my husband's sperm count?

And I promise, the following conversation actually occured;

Nurse: I need to order a CBC can you tell me how to do that.

Me: You just go in the computer under lab orders, and look for it alphabetically.

Nurse: Okay...how do you spell CBC?

Me (Smartass): C.E.E...B.E.E...C.E.E

[jcdayaz]

Some of the best ones I've heard;

Patient: Is it okay if there's spit in my husband's sperm count?

ha ha ha ha!!!! Laughing out loud--waking up my family!!

This post just might be the prize winner for the best one!!--at least in my book!!

[jcdayaz]

mjshepherd--

You just reminded me of my "Christening" into the world of health care-------had a patient run through the ER doors exclaiming LOUDLY that she had a condom "stuck" and needed help. It was my first job as a Med Tech--probably in my first month!

Kudos to the ER nurses who somehow managed not to laugh. I had to turn my face away from her to hide my amusement.!!

[John C. Staley]

One of my favorite diagnosis was "Acute Accident". I wonder what a chronic accident would look like. Come to think of it I have a younger sister who is a chronic accident just waiting for some place to happen.

[Dr. Pepper]

Originally Posted by mjshepherd

Some of the best ones I've heard;

Patient: Is it okay if there's spit in my husband's sperm count?

ha ha ha ha!!!! Laughing out loud--waking up my family!!

This post just might be the prize winner for the best one!!--at least in my book!!

I agree, pretty funny. My daughter has always thought the job title "specimen receiver" was hilarious.

This takes me back to my Peace Corps days in Ivory Coast in West Africa with my wife in the mid-70s. Our lab did, among other things, sperm studies on husbands from infertile marraiges. They gave these guys Petri dishes to collect their specimens, no doubt creating certain logistical problems to the process (ready, aim, .....). Another difficulty was that masturbation was apparently quite uncommon. (It was a different society, and it seems that no one ever needed to take matters into their own hands.) Our 2 months of French training left us somewhat underprepared to explain all this. So the husbands would show up with their wives, get a Petri dish and an explanation from one of the Ivorians in the lab, and be given a key to the rest room, after which the couple would hopefully emerge with a specimen. One couple came back with an empty Petri dish and reported, smiling, that the specimen wasn't in there. Another came back with a poop in the dish.

I did a side project looking for antispermatazoidal antibodies in the wives' sera, basically a crossmatch with the husbands sperm cells which would agglutinate. We found several positives. Treatment options were problematic, however: abstinance or condom use for several months, the first of which was preposterous to them, and the latter unavailable (this was pre-HIV).

[jcdayaz]

Originally Posted by mjshepherd

Some of the best ones I've heard;

Patient: Is it okay if there's spit in my husband's sperm count?

I agree, pretty funny. My daughter has always thought the job title "specimen receiver" was hilarious.

One couple came back with an empty Petri dish and reported, smiling, that the specimen wasn't in there. Another came back with a poop in the dish..

ha ha ha!

I will never forget my Micro instuctor's lesson on how to explain specimen requirements to a patient. She told us Medical Technology novices (we hadn't started clinicals yet in a hospital) that as a new Microbiology Tech she tried to tell a patient she needed a stool sample and then provided him with the container. It came back the first the first time with urine and the second time with the other aforementioned fluid. She finally (after two rounds) said to the patient "Hey man, just take a dump in the cup!" A good lesson for us. Communicating effectively with our patients is of vital importance!

[jeanne.wall]

ha ha ha!

I will never forget my Micro instuctor's lesson on how to explain specimen requirements to a patient. She told us Medical Technology novices (we hadn't started clinicals yet in a hospital) that as a new Microbiology Tech she tried to tell a patient she needed a stool sample and then provided him with the container. It came back the first the first time with urine and the second time with the other aforementioned fluid. She finally (after two rounds) said to the patient "Hey man, just take a dump in the cup!" A good lesson for us. Communicating effectively with our patients is of vital importance!

I remember Clinical Microscopy class during my internship. The Pathologist was an older gentleman. He went through a careful explanation on how to instruct a patient on the collection of a semen analysis, in spite of the fact that it was the early 70s and everyone in the class was up to the task. He then went on to say that if we found a patient that did not understand our explanation, not to worry – he either truly didn’t understand or was trying to embarrass us. We could resolve either issue in the same way without being embarrassed. Simply explain how to collect the sample in the “language of the streets.†He then went on to demonstrate the needed street language for use because he was sure that at least the women in the class would not be familiar with such language.

He was right – for the men that didn’t understand, they weren’t embarrassed by my explanation, understood exactly what I needed from them, and brought the specimen back, as instructed. For the men who were trying to embarrass me, they usually ended up being embarrassed themselves, but they brought me back the specimen I needed and I bet thought better of trying to embarrass someone else another time.

[AMcCord]

Just saw this one this week as a comment on a patient's admission paperwork. "According to nursing home, patient is to do CPR."

My question is this...........Is the patient supposed to do CPR on other patients in need or is he supposed to do it on himself?

[jcdayaz]

Just saw this one this week as a comment on a patient's admission paperwork. "According to nursing home, patient is to do CPR."

My question is this...........Is the patient supposed to do CPR on other patients in need or is he supposed to do it on himself?

:) Tee hee! I would pay money to see a patient who needs CPR perform it on him/herself. TOO FUNNY!!!!

[tbostock]

Hot off the presses...a nurse just called us to see if we have blood. We asked for patient information, she said, "oh no, this isn't for a particular patient, I just want to call to make sure you HAVE blood." I'm thinking (well, we did answer the phone "Blood Bank" didn't we???)...but we just told her, "yes, we have blood". She thanked us and hung up.

[jayinsat]

I just remembered once, when I first started working in the lab while I was in the U.S. Army. I was assigned to Urinalysis and Parasitology that day and a coworker delivered a "stool sample" for Ova and Parasite work-up. I was just beginning to glove up to make direct smears and start the concentration procedure when he walked in, took the cup containing the "stool sample", opened the lid, stuck his finger in and grabbed the "sample" and popped it in his mouth, chewed and swallowed!:eyepoppin:shocked:

He, and the rest of my co-workers, when they finally stopped laughing at the look on my face, told me that the sample was really a wad of Tootsie Rolls he had chewed up to look like feces and spit in the cup. This happened just after lunch so I almost lost mine!

[Dr. Pepper]

I just remembered once, when I first started working in the lab while I was in the U.S. Army. I was assigned to Urinalysis and Parasitology that day and a coworker delivered a "stool sample" for Ova and Parasite work-up. I was just beginning to glove up to make direct smears and start the concentration procedure when he walked in, took the cup containing the "stool sample", opened the lid, stuck his finger in and grabbed the "sample" and popped it in his mouth, chewed and swallowed!:eyepoppin:shocked:

He, and the rest of my co-workers, when they finally stopped laughing at the look on my face, told me that the sample was really a wad of Tootsie Rolls he had chewed up to look like feces and spit in the cup. This happened just after lunch so I almost lost mine!

Saw the same thing but with chocolate pudding mixed with canned corn kernals as the "stool" specimen. Or how about one of those little cylindrical noise makers that moos like a cow when you shake it? Put one in a specimen container, sneak it into the Micro prep area, place it upside down and wait for someone to try to plant it. Gotta love that zany lab humor.